R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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