So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
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Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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