wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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