I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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