i wish peter jackson would direct porn
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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