he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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