I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she told me i tasted like america
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize