omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize