sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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