so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize