i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
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Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
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What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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