Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
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Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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