I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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