he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize