Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
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remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
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Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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