Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
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Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
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who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
BRING THE BAGELS
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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