he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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