Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
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Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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