Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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