there was a trapeze. enough said
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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