So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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