and she was petting her beer can
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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