I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
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i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
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I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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