I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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