you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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