I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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