i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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