Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
