i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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