I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
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He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
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I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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