Your dad touched me again.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize