People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize