Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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