When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize