I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize