I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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