I puked a lego.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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