once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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