My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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