The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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