im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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