I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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