Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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