Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
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she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
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Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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