if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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