Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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