thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
what day is it and did you see me today?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
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well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
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We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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