im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize