my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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