i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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